MISCARRIAGE UPDATE


I've gotten a few very sweet emails lately asking how I have been since publicly speaking out about my miscarriage, as well as what mine and Eric's future plans are. You guys, no words! Thank you all so much for your continual love and support through this very difficult time for me. I thought I would post my response here. Honestly, most days have been amazing! Initially after posting about my experience I would receive the occasional pity hugs or looks. Those were not so fun. But for the most part I received nothing less than sheer admiration, love, support, patience, and understanding. Being able to talk to so many women who have undergone similar circumstances, its like this immediate bond.

To give you some perspective, I had my miscarriage in mid to late October. October 20th to be precise. It's been a few months now, and my body is finally getting back into its natural groove. That first period though, what a doozy!! (TMI?) I feel emotionally stable enough now to have those exciting talks with Eric about our future again (if we are lucky enough). When it is just us two in our own little bubble sometimes I forget how scary it all was, or how sad this whole process still is. I have my occasional off days. For instance, a few days ago a friend of ours announced her pregnancy and instead of being ecstatic for her I immediately started to cry my head off. Luckily, not in her presence. I felt terrible because I did not feel excitement for her in her time but pity for myself. My brain fast-forwarded to the next several months of having to see her in each stage of her pregnancy. To see her beautiful growing tummy and knowing that mine won't be there. To hear her talk with all the other "mommies" of the group about every big milestone and symptom of pregnancy. You guys, I've become envious of morning sickness. Is that normal?

Initially after I lost our baby I wouldn't even dream of doing it all over again. The idea of being pregnant became this very scary thing. To be honest, it still is. The fear of going through the same painful experience is too excruciating to explain. But then you see all these babies and all these pregnant women (is everyone pregnant right now or am I just imagining things?) and you realize you want to be there too! I feel like right now me and patience are in an epic battle. I was fortunate enough the first time to get pregnant just two weeks into trying, and for some reason I just assumed it would be the same this time around. No such luck. Eric has to keep reminding me that my body went through a very traumatic experience and things will fall into place when it's good and ready. I feel as long as I keep reminding myself this (over and over again) I'll be okay. In the meantime, I'll just be avoiding all you pregnant ladies like the plague!

I'm talking about my resolutions heading into this new year over on "The Village" site today (found HERE). I gave myself only three. The first one was to be happy, and I touched base on being happy for other peoples successes. Apparently I have already failed that one. Hoping to work on that over these next few months. Wish me luck! And to all you women out there trying, I wish you nothing but success, happiness, joy, and a healthy baby! And just remember, it won't always be you, but one day it will be!
xo

12 comments:

  1. Thoughts and love little lady. He is right, give it time <3

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  2. It must have been truly difficult to receive the news of your friend's pregnancy :/

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  3. Aw you are such a strong woman. I know you'll get pregnant, it just will take more time. You need to make sure your body is physically and mentally healed before it will happen so take your time and relax!

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  4. I've never had a miscarriage, but when my husband and I were trying for our first (for quite a while) it was often hard to be excited for anyone else who was lucky to be pregnant. Often I just felt jealousy that they were going to pregnancy checkups while I was seeing a doctor for potential infertility and worrying that I might not ever be a mom. I imagine it must be difficult to be where you are, and I wish you all the best!

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  5. Continuing to pray for you! Remember that all things happen in Gods time. He knows exactly when a baby is needed, and will always give us the desires of our hearts.

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  6. so sorry for your loss, thoughts and prayers sent your way. may you find peace in your savior and know he has a plan for you :)

    xo, k

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  7. My heart breaks for you, but it's also singing about the fact that you're picking yourself up little by little. Wishing you a happy present and a baby-filled future! :)

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  8. Aw TJ you are amazing. I know you and your family will come through this like gold. Only great things are in your future!

    xo

    Michaela

    http://michaelajeanblog.com

    https://www.etsy.com/shop/MichaelaJeanArt

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  9. I also lost a baby in October. Telling my story was a sense of therapy and a part of me that I refuse to deny exists. The baby announcements from loved ones are tough, you're not alone in feeling that. Thank you for sharing your story. I truly believe that our babies are waiting for us in a wonderful place.

    All my love,
    B.

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  10. You are amazing! Thank you for being brave and sharing this story with us. You inspire me!

    Xoxo

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  11. You are hurting and your emotions and feelings are valid. I know it's easy to say out loud rather than put in practice but don't feel too bad for not feeling instantaneous joy over her announcement. I think that is a completely natural response after what you've been through. It'll take time to be at peace I think but you are resilient and incredibly strong. Don't forget that lovely.

    Sxx
    www.daringcoco.com

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