THE SIN OF COMPARISON [UPDATE]

A few weeks ago I wrote this post. To be honest when I first sat down and started to type I wasn't sure what was to come of it. I am not one to talk about myself, especially when it comes to my feelings. And opening up on a social network where some people feel free to judge and write cruel remarks about you and your life can be quite intimidating. But I was so happily overwhelmed by all of the empathy and support that I have been shown these past few weeks through emails, texts, phone calls, and comments. I've received a few messages these past few days from people wanting to know how I am doing. And to be honest, things like this don't heal quickly. It's a learning and growing process. Learning to really take the time to write out all of the things in your life that you are grateful for and realizing that those things are yours and no one else's. No one has the same family, friends, husband, and life as you. Those are yours to keep and treasure. Growing emotionally and knowing that we cannot allow ourselves to compare. As so many of you quoted, "comparison is the thief of joy". The second we liken ourselves to others, that is the moment that we loose focus on our precious treasures and allow them to no longer shine in our eyes. I would never want to make my family and friends feel as though they are not worthy, special or important. So these past few weeks I've tried really hard to steer clear of staying "plugged in" for long periods of time. I have noticed that the longer I spend looking up others lives on blogs, pinterest and instagram have really contributed to my emotional downfall. Instead I have surrounded myself with family dinners, late night cuddles with the husband, happy Christmas movies, music, and wrapping all the presents I can't wait to give to the ones I love. I'm also heading to another music performance for the elderly come tomorrow and can't wait for that experience of joy again. It may seem simple but true, the more we focus on others and making their lives happy the more we attract happiness into our own lives.

What are your treasures that bring happiness into your life?

72 comments:

  1. i have the same problems sometimes and staring at blogs and instagram really doesnt help.
    but its great that you've changed your way of spending your days because it really does help.

    happy holidays :)

    brikena

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  3. First of all thank you so much for your sweet sweet comment on my blog :)

    A few days ago I thought to write a text like yours! I changed my lifestyle two years ago (or I had to, because of financial problems) that I learned to appreciate the simple things in live, like happy to being with my (healthy) family, spent cozy evenings with my boyfriend, drink tea and read books, ...

    I like to follow real blogs, because everybody of us has a real life, with full time jobs, maybe ill family members, financial problems or worries about the future. I respect bloggers like theblondesalad.com for what they have achieved, but 90 % of all other bloggers have a real life and NO worries about what to wear to fashionshows or which IT-bags they need, to get more followers or whatever.

    Wish you all the best for your future :)

    Aylin

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  4. I was wondering if you were going back!! Wish I could join you and speak to that lady!

    You're simply wonderful friend

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  5. Your first post was very well-written and I'm glad you received so many positive comments from it!

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  6. its so true! its important to spend time with those we love, for your own happiness. xxx

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  7. glad to have you write about this! enjoy the performance :)

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  8. this is so good to hear TJ! I definitely know how it feels to live by comparison because i've done it my whole life. it has really hindered me! i have to find my own way to deal with my own feelings of inferiority...perhaps it will include limiting my time looking at other blogs and more time working on my own! cheers!

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  9. Love the update. Your honesty is refreshing and so real. I do hope you have been able to soak in the blessings around you and take a breath of fresh air!

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  10. Totally agree with you on everything said. It's such a brag to live by comparison, I was doing that for a bit too long. I think the main priority is just to figure ourselves out, to stay calm and TRUE to ourselves. Then everything goes...
    Hope you're feeling better :).

    xx
    http://gita-oddsandends.blogspot.com/

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  11. comparison is an ugly monster that we all battle from time to time. i am so happy you are finding ways to find the joy. i think we would all benefit from being plugged in less and living life more- i know i would. can't wait to hear about your second trip to sing!

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  12. I feel so happy when I see how other bloggers make from their blog a way of living and find the strength to open about their feeling :) I hope one day I can do the same :)

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  13. Love this post. I do the same thing when I start to feel down about my blog - disconnect. Sometimes reading beautiful blogs that you love only make you feel worse about your own, so focussing on the real stuff is always a welcome break :)

    xx

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  14. It's always important to take time for yourself and focus on what's important in your life. :)

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

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  15. Yes, definitely spend time with your loved ones, and living simpler! I'll be keeping your emotional well-being in my thoughts! :)

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  16. I am sure this is a common feeling now can "spy" on others' life through blogs and social media, but remember: people write and show only what they want others to know. This doesn't mean they are always happy.
    Actually I have decided to start a blog not to show how happy I am, but to focus on the good and beautiful things I have in life that sometimes I cannot see them. I think this is one blogs greatest potential. :)
    If you feel frustrated it`s very wise for you to spend time with your loved one and focus on yourself and the things that make you happy.
    A. @ hellodoorseven

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  17. you definitely should take "time off" and spend time with your lover and just REST. don't worry about anything. you also should rest.
    http://coeursdefoxes.blogspot.com/

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  18. ‘Unplugging’ is so important, especially for us bloggers. I feel that if I sit on pinterest for too long I end up wanting so many things or feel like I could be doing more crafts, more projects. Then I just end up feeling bad. It’s nice to just sit and watch a cozy movie or read, and just enjoy your day or night. I try at least, sometimes I fail. –Heidi

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  19. I'm glad you're taking time to focus on your health and happiness...at the end of the day, that's what's most important! You could not have said it better–happiness attracts happiness! Thinking of you xo

    Alyssa
    The Glossy Life

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  20. Glad you are feeling better! We all suffer from this sometimes and thinking of others is the perfect cure :)

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  21. I love this post and, of course, the one that preceeded it. How rare it is to read someone's genuine thoughts and be able to connect with them. I think the sin of comparison is so easy to be slave to in this "blogger" world filled with perfectly decorated homes, precious children and handsome husbands. I so appreciate the honesty and rawness of your writing. So thrilled to see that you are powering through this struggle in pursuit of true joy!

    jorie

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  22. This is such a great post - it's great to hear you're doing a little better! I'm sure they'll get even better with time & hard work... it's often hard to treasure what's in front of us because those are the very things and people we take for granted, so it often takes a lot of conscious and active to appreciate & let them know as well!

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  23. I totally agree that sitting around on Facebook, Instagram, reading blogs, etc can totally make you compare! I do it quite too often and I have to catch myself and remind myself to not compare because it does me no good!

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  24. Glad things are better for you in this struggle, TJ. Hope they continue to be so in this season of giving and happiness!

    Stay happy. Wishing you a happy-face kind of day. :)

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  25. I'm glad you are feeling better. It is true that we just can't help but to compare with others quite often, especially when you are constantly around social media.. I always tell myself though at the end of the day to take a deep breath and look deeply into myself and you'll be surprise how much you already have in your life.. We can't help but to compare with others sometimes, but we can help to tell ourselves how grateful we already are!! i think... :)

    it's finally feeling like winter (slightly) here in LA! The best time of the year is right around the corner.. have a most fantastic time ok!! :D

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  26. I love that. The greatest happiness for me is found in Christ, knowing who I am in Him and who He created me to be! Such purpose and joy comes with that revelation :)

    brittanykytecreated.blogspot.com

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  27. Oh, you're just lovely. Being unplugged really is important, especially around your family and friends. This Christmas I Know for sure that I'm going to not be on the computer when my family is home--they are special to me, just like they are to you! Well written post. :)

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  28. Feel better doll! I am so trying to do this right now. Blogging can allow for such creativity and fun but it can also make us ache for things or places or lives outside our own. But you are right in figuring out what you have and being grateful for it but also making it work for you. I have actually always wanted to leave Indy as soon as I could but life happens and here I still am. So now I am making Indy work for me. I am trying to do more things I enjoy doing and not what others want. Love ya gal! Email me if you ever want/need to.

    Chao
    Poppie
    http://thepoppie.com

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  29. Unplugging is definitely a good idea! I need to try that... Glad you're feeling better!

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  30. I totally understand you from your last post! I'm glad you're doing better! We all go through those tough times. You're a doll remember that :)

    iambornlippy.blogspot.com

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  31. That sounds like the perfect plan and I'm so happy to hear you are feeling better! :-)

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  32. the biggest treasure that brings happiness to me is indulging in myself :)

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  33. Really great post and I agree. It is soo important to spend time with people who love. Have a nice day.

    http://www.fashiondenis.com/

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  34. TJ, so beautiful! Right now I'm working on setting aside time every single day to give my hubby absolute, undivided attention. Especially right when we both get home from work. It's easy for me to say hi, give him a quick kiss and then get started right away on cooking dinner, mentally making a list of the things I need to do that night, responding to texts I got during the work day, etc. etc. But even 10 or 15 minutes of just me-and-him time right when we get home makes a big difference.

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  35. Oh, you sweet girl, I just read the original post and this one, and I can relate so much. Everyone is guilty of comparison at one point or another, but what's so admirable is that you saw what was happening, and you chose to STOP it, and that, my dear, is the best thing you could do! Glad to hear you're focusing on things that truly matter. God bless you!!

    xo

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  36. Thenks for your comment! I really love your blog! I follow you!!
    Keep in touch!
    http://www.softandhardy.blogspot.com.es/

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  37. Thank you for sharing this TJ, we all feel that way and sometime we need to be reminded that we aren't alone and everyone has their struggles. I was actually just thinking those same thoughts and really needed to hear/read the exact things you said. Thank you!

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  38. <3 this post makes me glad, i had been wondering how you were doing, thanks for the update!

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  39. I suppose ignorance is bliss! I'm the same - the less time I spend on Facebook the happier I am. Like it's actually insane how much the difference is. I hope you feel better soon lovely, thank you for sharing with us! <3 xo

    http://www.jenventure.blogspot.co.uk

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  40. Hey TJ, I loved reading this post! In one way or another it seems like people can be connect through everything these days. Whether through intsagram, twitter, facebook, pinterest, blogloving... the list goes on and on! And while it's not bad to be connected to other people in these ways, it opens up the door for us to compare our lives with others.

    I appreciate you writing this post. It's something that I have struggled with too! Take care and I look forward to reading more posts :)

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  41. I hear ya! It's how I feel about being "happy" sometimes. The moment you share how happy you are is the moment it starts to "fade" for whatever reason. I have a hard time opening on my blog sometimes and I feel the moment I do I hear "crickets" or I feel silly. So thank you again for sharing this because it's something we all go through (whether we'd like to admit this or not). I'm so happy you have been surrounding yourself with things that you love and that makes you happy. I'm glad you gave us an update! *hugs*

    xo
    Rachel

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  42. Again, you have said the words that I have been feeling. I, as well get so caught up in the virtual world with all the social media out there and get discouraged by all the beautiful things and ideas out there that are currently unattainable. Last night I was just stressing about money, when I stopped to think "wait a minute, why am I feeling so down? I have a healthy family, a beautiful home, a car, a good job...these temporary problems will pass. What I really need I already have." I think just taking that moment to be grateful for the things I do have made me realize that all the other things I see as "problems" and stress over are minuscule compared to the big picture. I'm glad you have revisited your old post. I think it has shed light to a lot of people!

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  43. Keep doing what you're doing - surrounding yourself with people you love. As wonderful as these connections that we make on the blogging world are, being unplugged is a wonderful way to push the "reset" button. Thanks for this gratitude reminder. Take care! :)

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  44. This touched me on so many levels! Thanks so much for posting this! I think that we do tend to over do it with comparing ourselves to others! Especially how big the social media has become with facebook, pinterest, blogs & so forth. It's easier now more than ever to see into other people's lives and see what they have & what we don't. We just have to try to keep ourselves in check and be happy with what we have :) Family is definitely the most beautiful blessing we could have! Glad that you found my blog because it led me to your wonderful blog! Excited to be a new follow friend!

    xoxo,
    Shio

    follow back if you like :))

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  45. Such a good post. Family time is the best kind of time. x

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  46. Ugh I am the same way. Reading your part I of this post definitely rings true. I guess nobody can have it all, but that's what makes life worth living.

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  47. i am so happy reading this. I commented on that previous post and felt the exact same way as you. I'll admit that I haven't quite gotten as far in fixing these feelings as you clearly have, (no comparisons here! just stating a fact!). However, I do know why i'm still lagging behind. My Dad just recently passed away and....well, clearly i'm still processing everything, but it has caused me to put up a wall from the outside world. I know i need to get back into the swing of things, blogs-wise and well... life wise. and I now that time will come. your time is here and now, and i so happy that you're basking in it.

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  48. This is so honest and uplifting. Thanks for sharing such great advice, especially during this,holiday season.

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  49. Thank you so much for sharing this :) I totally agree about needing to "unplug" more often. My happiness is found in creating beauty whether through crafting, sewing, art, or fashion :)

    xo
    summer

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  50. I admire you and thanks for bringing it home! I don't think anything could make me feel as vulnerable as sharing something deeply personal with others that might disagree or not understand! I think I will unplug and go to bed.

    good night friend!

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  51. I agree with you entirely! Taking time to disconnect from the internet world and enjoying the simple pleasures of the "here and now" makes such a huge difference in my happiness!

    xx Ellie
    www.ellalogy.com 

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  52. You're absolutely right. You should surround you with the people and things that make you happy, that's what's most important. All these other people's lifes might seem perfect from outside, but maybe they're sad too. You'd never know. So focusing on your own joy is the best thing to do. I hope you'll have a wonderful Christmas time with all your friends and family!

    xoxo, Femke
    By Button

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  53. Thank you for your sweet comment on my blog yesterday - it made my day! I always love reading yours - especially posts like these.

    I can totally relate - looking at pretty pictures online is one thing, but experiencing them yourself is even better - ok this is random but the new lexus commercial is all about this, see here (now I'm not saying buying a lexus will make you happy either...hah but same idea)

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  54. sharing a pizza with ~the one you love~.
    but, seriously - pizza. the sharing part is more of a necessity, definitley not part of the joy.

    (everyone, especially with all this social media interaction, goes through exactly what you're going through - you are not alone! i'm glad you're feeling better xo)

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  55. sometimes we just need a break and THATS OKAY. thank you for being honest about it taking time to get over and heal...take your time, lady, i'm happy you're feeling better :)

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  56. I agree, it's never a good thing to compare your life to someone elses, and it is so easy to do if you're not careful. I also agree that it's good to just completely take a break from stuff and spend time with loved ones, like you have been doing. Thank you for a very insightful post.

    catrionamacleod.blogspot.co.uk

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  57. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! and I always love your thoughts.....

    Merry Christmas!

    xoxo
    Liesl

    woodsy-soiree.blogspot.com

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  58. i LOVE your blog. what encouraging words, you are so right about becoming obsessed with other people's lives and not taking time to work on being content with our own. excellent thoughts - thank you!

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  59. I've been guilty of the comparison thing, too. I think in the long run it just helps me to learn that God has us where we are now for a reason. :)

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  60. You rock honey,love it!;-)
    xx
    B.
    http://www.beeswonderland.com/

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  61. This is beautiful.. glad I found your blog via your comment!
    look forward to reading more
    LOVE CLOTH

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  62. Love this post and love your heart. I have dealt with the trap of comparison a lot...I think as women it is hard not to. I just keep giving it over to God. xoxo

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  63. <3

    x the cookies
    samecookiesdifferent.blogspot.com

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  64. love this girl! whenever i start falling into comparing myself and allowing my joy to be stollen away from me surrounding myself with family always brings me back to reality!!! xo

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  65. you have such a beautiful blog.
    i swear i was following but guess not.

    you now have a new follower :)

    happyleeliving.blogspot.com

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  66. Awh such a lovely post! Thank you for your comment x

    http://www.gingerrsnap.blogspot.co.uk/

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  67. I totally can relate with you friend... I have been trying to social network fast... taking a break from social networks as much as I was checking them on my computer and iPhone was and still is hard to do. BUT since I've really put some effort into it, it eases my mind a bit more... okay drastically more!

    I wish the best of luck to you and that you keep on this binge to enjoy more family and hubby time!

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  68. TJ, I read this post a few days ago, I haven't commented on it though, but it served as such an inspiration ever since. I've been doing the same thing, I just wasn't aware of it. Now I have a post-it with a couple of quotes from this post on the wall behind my computer desk to remind me not to compare myself to others. Thank you so much for this!

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  69. Thank you for sharing these posts, TJ. I have been really struggling with this lately and I'm grateful for your perspective on this. My friend, Kylee, just told me in an email that it's so important to love the now, instead of craving the future. We're all on our way to becoming better people and having new experiences, but remember to love who you are now. It was a good wake-up call to read these posts and to hear from my friend. So thank you for being you and know that I truly admire the person you are.

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You're an all-star!

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